sara h.

i need to exert my energy into things worthwhile. i'm really trying to take new chances on things i want. i'm not even sure what it is that holds me back. insecurities? fear? uncertainty? rejection? i need to let any and all of those things go. because what is life if you live it without going after what you want? there's a reason that you long for it. a reason it consumes your mind. and if things don't go as you had hoped, then so what? that's the worst possible outcome and it's not really all that bad. things will return to how they were before you took that leap. from then on, you can live your life with the pride of knowing that you tried. you took a chance. you put yourself on a limb with the possibility of getting defeated. you never have to wonder what could have been. that's a damn could feeling. that's something to be proud of. something to learn from and grow from. i realize more and more how much i hate repetition. how much i hate for things to stay the same. i hate waking up and knowing what the day holds for me. i like taking things as they come. the idea of steady plans scares me. i feel like it leads to disappointment, or if not such, then just flat boredom. i constantly long for new things. adventures. excitement. challenges. i like being challenged. i like going into something thinking i can't do it. it pushes me that much more. it makes me long for it more. and when i do achieve it- fuck i love that feeling. no more letting opportunities pass me by. i'm going to make a difference. i'm going to be apart of something. i'm going to make a change in my life. i need a deep breath. i have way too many thoughts.